A guy I know had his life turned upside down a few years ago by certain actions of others so that he lost what was most dear to him. It’s a dilemma older than Job–how to manage when our suffering seems inexplicable, or worse, can convincingly be blamed on someone else?
In order to keep from falling into the pit of bitterness, he decided on something we came to call radical responsibility, that is, the recognition that while he has no control over the free will of anyone else, he was solely and completely responsible for his own state of being. Happy, sad, mad, bitter, victimized, whatever he felt, however unbidden these feelings arose in him, they were his responses, his moment to moment experiences, and no one else’s. He couldn’t blame anyone for them.
If he took 100 people off the street and told them his story, I don’t doubt that all of them would join him a chorus of betrayal and revenge if he asked. That he resisted convention, and risked another way, through pain and ultimately to relief and resolution, was a marvel and inspiration to see.