Last week I wrote that if our goals are to add to our happiness, they should meet certain conditions. The first of those was that a goal actually be possible in the world.
One the face of it, this seems obvious enough. If we want stuff that’s not attainable, our suffering must necessarily increase. But it’s surprising how often our behavior reflects our wanting something that can’t actually happen. I wish I could go back in time and undo some bad deed. I want to eat doughnuts every day, but not gain weight. I want the freeway to be clear for me just once during rush hour. I wish I could fly like I can in my dreams.
It’s surprising, particularly in relationships, how we slip into wanting things that defy the natural law order of things. And it’s surprising how much agitation we get from wanting such things, despite the fact we know very well they aren’t possible. It sounds silly, but most of us could stand being more aware of which is reality and which is fantasy, and practicing to reel ourselves in when we find ourselves spinning in a desire for something unattainable.